Friday, January 28, 2011

Impatiently Waiting

Dear Friends:

I love you & I love that you trust me with your secrets. But, I think I have to say it's much, much easier for me to keep your not-so-happy secrets than it is for me to keep your oh-so-happy secrets. Maybe it's because I am not interested in causing you pain but I AM interested in celebrating the joy in your lives! So, with that said ... hurry up and announce your news!

Love,                                                                       
                                                                                   Nicole        


I have three dear friends who have shared over-the-top fabulous news with me in recent weeks. It's the type of news you want to celebrate & scream from the rooftops. At least, I want to scream it from the rooftops. Because, face it --- babies are exciting. Oops. Did I type that outloud? Yea, I guess I did. But it doesn't count as letting the cat out of the bag because I managed to not mention any names. And I won't. 

Particularly because the reason for not announcing a pregnancy is such  sensitive subject.  This point is all too familiar for our household as we approach the one year mark of losing our sweet baby. Pregnancy is remarkable and joyous --- but it's also fragile in the beginning and more often than we realize, ends as quickly as it begins.  In addition to remembering what we went through last spring, I am surrounded by reminders of that very sensitive possibility through the people that I love.

One of the three new mommies experienced a 13 week loss on January 15th.  She told me in an email a few days later: "My heart is broken. 17 months of trying had started to feel like it was all for nothing. We were so excited after that first positive test. Now I feel like the butt of a cruel joke. I suppose I should be thankful that I don't have to explain it to everyone, but I'm not done being angry yet."  Most people wait until 12 weeks to tell people. They were determined to wait until the 2nd trimester. The news wasn't "public" & perhaps that is a blessing in this case.

 And,  as if to drive the point a bit further, 10 days ago my cousin's wife received the sad news that their baby had passed away.   They went in expecting a normal doctor's appointment and came out with shattered hearts.  Sad day.

Those of you who have carried a child inside of you (for any amount of time) understand the bond that forms from the instant you see those two pink lines. There isn't anything in the world comparable to that feeling.  When that little one you've come to love is suddenly gone --- you feel a whirlwind of emotions that leave you breathless.

So, everytime I come close to blurting out the news that so-and-so are going to be new parents, I have to remind myself that it isn't my news to share for the first time.  (But I can't wait to share the news once I've been given the go-ahead! I've got my megaphone ready to go!)

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe it's for the prayer-sayers out there to offer prayers and the non prayer-sayers to offer happy, positive thoughts out into the world. Send them out to all the mommies and daddies in the world who haven't announced their news yet. Send them good karma, luck, & thoughts that their pregnancy will be a healthy & full term one. And that,  God forbid, if it isn't ---  that their hearts be wrapped in love while they struggle through the emotional roller coaster of loss. 

xo - N                                                      

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