Monday, March 7, 2011

Nobody Cares

I copied this from someone who copied it from someone who copied it from someone. I have no idea where it originated. The point is, I didn't write it but I wish I did. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did.

Cheers ~ Nicole

Nobody cares. That's right. I said it. Nobody cares. Nobody cares whether my 5 year old was breastfed or bottlefed as an infant. What really matters was that he was fed well and often.

Nobody cares whether he wore disposable or cloth diapers. What really matters is that he was kept clean and more importantly, that he is not wearing any kind of diaper anymore.

Nobody cares whether he slept in a crib or a playpen or a bassinet or in bed with me or some combination of all of those. What really matters is that he had a safe place to sleep and was tended to at night when needed.

Nobody cares whether we used redirection, time outs or a swat on the bum when he threw a tantrum or engaged in some other behavior requiring some form of discipline. What really matters is that we disciplined him in a way that was loving, consistent and maintained respect for him as a "tiny human" (as Arizona would say on Grey's).

Nobody cares when he started walking. Really. Nobody. I know it seems like THE biggest thing ever when the kid is taking those first steps, but honestly, when that kid is 5 years old nobody is going to care. At all. Especially if they walked early. Then nobody wants to hear it. Or they don't believe you.
Nobody really cares when he started to talk either. Well, the school kind of cares, in that if the kid is still having issues with speech they do need to know about it so they can help accordingly. But in general, other parents and most definitely the other kids...ya, they totally do not care.

Nobody cares about his bowel movements either. Not the color, consistency or frequency. I never would have believed it myself until my babies stopped being babies and nobody cared anymore about their poop. Mindblowing. I know. Kind of makes me wonder if anyone EVER cared about their poop...
Nobody cares how many colds he had in his first year. Or second year. Or beyond. Kids are germy. They get sick, especially when they play with other kids. Nobody is really worried about it.

Nobody cares if he is circumcised or not. And if they did, I'd wonder if they had some kind of sick, perverted tendancy to be so concerned with the state of my son's penis.

Nobody cares if he did baby sign language. I swear on my dead mother-in-law's grave. I know by now some of you must think I'm a heretic but I promise it's true. The only thing that matters about what he's doing with his hands is that they aren't being used to hit or otherwise harm people. Sign language? Please. Nobody cares.

Nobody really cares if he's vaccinated or on what schedule those vaccinations happened. I mean, yah, the school prefers it but nobody asks. Nobody cares. It was our choice and we made it in confidence rather than fear. Nobody cares if he watched tv before the age of 2. Or 3. Or 4. Seriously. What really matters is that watching tv was only one of a very many things he did and that however much he watched, it didn't interfere with his development in any way. (It didn't). The adults may care about this one, but the kids don't care if he is a super-genius or dumb as a post. They care if he's kind, helpful, plays nicely and shares. What a freaking concept.

Nobody cares whether his mom worked or stayed home. What mattered most was that he was in an atmosphere of love and respect every day, and that he was provided for adequately. When I make choices for Olivier now, or simply as I watch him progress naturally and in his own way, through the various milestones, I am not nearly as pre-occupied with the things I was with Raymond. It's a nice feeling not to second guess all the time. So mommies of babies and toddlers, here is what I have to say to you.

Is your child well fed, kept clean and given a safe place to sleep? Is he loved and respected? Is she growing and learning new things every day? Is he read to, played with and taken outside regularly, even if he does watch a little tv sometimes? Is he learning to share, be kind and given a chance to socialize with other kids in a positive way? Is your child healthy? Do you take care of him or her when they do happen to get sick? Do you make the best choices you can for your individual child regardless of what the peanut gallery has to say? Do you take care of your babies, and provide them with a safe, loving, consistent, stable and nurturing home? Do you love your baby boys and baby girls? Yes? Well then, I say good job. You are an excellent mother. You are worth your weight in gold. Don't listen to the critics or the negative people who will never have anything good to say about anyone's parenting choices except their own. Stand tall and be proud of your kids every day.

On the flipside of that. Do you occupy yourself with how other people raise their kids? Do you feel the need to tell them or others what they are doing wrong or why your own choices (or intended choices) are so much more superior? Get a life. Find a hobby. Clean your dirty, nasty house - because if you have small children there is a good chance that something is dirty or nasty in your house. Take a class. Have another baby and keep yourself busy with him/her, rather than the babies of your friends, family or strangers. Shut your mouth or back away from the keyboard when the urge to judge choices you don't understand overwhelms you. That kid throwing a fit in the restaurant? You know, the one you think needs a swift kick in the you know where? That kid has autism, or sensory issues, or ADHD or some other sensitive issue that you don't understand. Her mom? The one you think isn't doing anything or enough about it? She is tired, she deals with this every day. Every. Day. Your judgement isn't helping.

Oh, oh - that mom in the mall? The one bottle-feeding her infant while you look in disgust because surely she must not have tried hard enough to breastfeed. That mom has post-partum depression. She's in the mall because it's the only hour out of her day she gets to be around grown ups. Her baby cries a lot. She is tired and maybe her husband isn't able or willing to help out much at night. And yah, she's not breastfeeding. Switching to formula *literally* saved her sanity so wipe that smug look off your face and tell her how cute her baby is and how great she looks for just having given birth.

 I have crazy love for my kids. I'd bury you and nobody would ever find your body if you hurt one of my kids. But I will lose respect for you if you think you know better than I do about what's good for my kids. You don't. That's why you're not their mother. There are so many things we drive ourselves mental over when our kids are babies. All the grief mothers give each other, both silently and not so silently, over who made the best choice, is such a tremendous waste of time. I'm guilty of it too. Not sure why we are so pushy and judgemental sometimes - maybe we are just insecure. Only someone who is not truly secure in their own choices would waste their time judging someone else's. At least I think that's how it works.

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