Happy Birthday, Mama.

Today would be my mother's 48th birthday.

There are a few days during the course of the year when I allow myself to get lost in a completely self serving, emotional La La Land. October 31, January 14, and April 19. I never know what that La La Land is going to entail until the day unfolds.

January 14, 2003 (11 days before the birth of Isaac) I spent the day driving Grandpa Don around the backroads of Gallatin Gateway and telling him stories that probably made no sense to him.

April 19, 2006 I shut off my cell phone and danced around my living room to Beatles albums, remembering my dad as a hero.

Some Halloweens are easy and some Halloweens are hard.

It doesn't matter how I spend those days --- because I always wake up the next day feeling closer to my parents than I did the previous year. Each year that passes I feel like I understand (and appreciate) their journey a little more. Its been almost 19 years since they were killed ... I've been told that 'enough time has passed' and that I focus 'too deeply' on it. I think thats horsecrap. I LOVE remembering them & I hope I never forget to remember special days.

This year is different than years that have passed.

My parents were 29 when they died. This seems unreal to me --- they seemed so... well, old.  Old to an 11 year old kid anyway. Not so old to me now, I guess ... especially considering that last month I became older than my dad every lived to be.

My mom died 290 days after her 29th birthday. In March of this year I will officially grow older than my mother. The ironic twist in all of this is that 290 days after my 29th birthday happens to be the day our daughter is due to be born.

Today Isaac & I are both in bed with strep throat. But that isn't going to stop me from digging out all my old photo albums and boring him to death with stories of the lovliest woman I ever knew.

Happy birthday, mama.