Thank Goodness For You

Dear Son,

You're incredible.

I wasn't sure how I felt about the age gap between you & your sister. I always said if I hadn't given you a sibling by the time you turned 5, you would forever remain an only child.

God laughed at my 'plan' & 3 months ago you become a big brother.

I couldn't be more proud of you.

Yes, sometimes I am amazed by the crazy level of silliness and immaturity you display ... but, you are an 8 year old boy, so I suppose those things are to be expected. :)

But, mostly I sit back and watch you in complete awe.

You are kind and gentle with your little sister. You are patient and helpful. It makes my heart happy to watch you tickle her toes & kiss her chubby little cheeks. I am grateful that when I am struggling to find a balance between being a mom and keeping the house running, you step in and offer to rock your sister. You feed her a bottle like a pro and you seem to know just how to make her smile.

I was wrong about the age gap. It's perfect. You are an amazing helper and I love you for that.

Thank you for being charming, handsome, wonderful you.

I love you.
Mom

The Way Things Are

Every morning, like clockwork, I wake up at 6:10.

The alarm hasn't gone off yet. The baby is still sleeping. The puppy hasn't started barking to go outside. Both boys are still enjoying the company of their pillows. This time of year I am able to take in the sound of the creek rushing, brids singing, and the sunshine peaking in through our window. I get a solid 20 minutes of snuggling my sleeping baby and not having to do ANYTHING.

It's sheer bliss.

Today is Saturday. This means that I left Josh and the baby at home while I came to work. Ike is hanging out with Grandma Sue. Saturday's are quiet at the salon --- which is evident by the fact that I'm writing on this blog rather than spray painting customers. :)

When I walked in this morning I couldn't help but take notice of Karla's shampoos and other hair products. They are lined up so nice & neat. Of course they are --- it's a salon.

But what gets me ... is how all the pumps work.

You know what I'm talking about, right? These kind of pump bottles:

It makes me feel incredibly stupid when I see other people using these types of bottles without any issues. Our household has a serious pump bottle problem. At least 3 out of 5 pump bottles in our house have never worked. Not even once. Seriously --- never dispensed so much as a drop of whatever product the pump belongs to. Instead of being able to quickly get a squirt or two of lotion I have to pull the whole thing out of the bottle and wipe the lotion off the tube that runs into the bottle. Baby shampoo, lotion, my shampoo. These things are broken in our house at the moment. The two that happen to work properly? The hand sanitizer and the ketchup. Lame. Maybe someday we'll figure it out.

Speaking of 'figuring it out' ... Let me share some of my recent learnings with you.

1. If your nephew's basketball team makes it to state and you decide to paint your windows with his jersey number (and a big orange "GO HUSKIES!") .... be sure you don't use acrylic paint. It will take you 4 months and no less than 3 gallons of mineral spirits to get it off. Even then, you will find flakes of orange in your truck for the rest of your life.

2. If you call the appointment desk at Billings Clinic, they wil likely tell you that the doctor you need an appointment with is booked out several weeks. However, if you call and ask to speak to a nurse in the office of the doctor you are trying to get in to see ... and if you are extremely nice to her .... she will likely be able to squeeze you in much, much sooner. :)

And finally ...

3. If you run a Google image search for: "love nurse" & then spend several minutes looking at the results ... the word nurse will start to look very strange. You will likely try saying it outloud only to find out it sounds even stranger by the 15th or 20th time you say it. Emphasizing the sounds and making your mouth big really only makes it worse.

Yea, clearly Saturdays are slow here. Ha. I think I'll go home & kick Father's Day of early. Since I have the computer and I know there is no danger of Josh seeing this post until at least Monday, I will let you all in on a little secret. Isaac got a new bike for Christmas so ... I'm using Father's Day as an excuse to surprise him (and me!) with new bikes too.



And of course, thanks to The Ronning Family:



There appears to be a little bit of sunshine today --- I hope you all have a chance to get out in it! Happy Father's day! 

A little update on the fam

A little update for our family and friends in far away places:

Yes, we ARE as tired as we look.

 But we're loving every second of it.

Anna-Kate has become a very real part of our family & although we sometimes feel like we're flailing, we are all very much in love with her.

AK still spends most of her time sleeping but when she is awake she love to be in the water. Baths, showers... even the rainstorm we got caught in last week made her grin. She's a big fan of anything outdoors. When my baby cries the easiest way to calm her is to step out on the deck. Something about being outside instantly calms her --- thank  goodness its summer!

We have been lucky with her night time routine --- she has been sleeping through the night since about 4 weeks. Currently she sleeps from about 9 pm until 7 am.

This has been her M.O. for a few weeks now --- hooray for a good night's sleep!

Isaac is settling into summer just fine. He started golf lessons this morning and has been in Vacation Bible School all this week. When the weather is nice you can usually find him fishing, riding his bike, or jumping on the trampoline.

His little heart is still hurting a bit over the loss of his friend, Oliver.

But, always a suvivor, Ike is moving forward with the help of his new friend: Daisy.

Josh is still working away at the insurance agency. He allegedly has football obligations twice a week ... hopefully we have finally gotten a grip on life-with-a-newborn so he can start committing to it again.

I have been leaning on him pretty heavily the last few weeks but I think we're finally at a point where we both can start being involved in things outside out home life again!

I took a hiatus from spray tanning for a few weeks after the baby but am back to it full swing. The shop is open (201 S Broadway Suite B -- Red Lodge) & business is boomning. I'm helping out with Vacation Bible School this week but other than that, I plan to spend as much time with my babies as possible this summer.

There ya' have it --- our life in a nutshell.

I feel like I've been neglecting the blog a bit. But now that things are settling down for us, perhaps I'll manage to come back and post from time to time.

In the meantime -- I hope all is well in your world's! Be well!

Sound > Noise

Some of my favorite sounds:

1. The belly-laughter that fills the living room when my guys are wrestling.
2. The half gulp - half cry noise my daughter makes when she finally latches on for a meal.
3. The words, "I love you, mama."
4. The funny little [[whistle-snort-sigh]] the puppy makes when she's sleeping.
5. The sounds of my sleeping house at 3 a.m. when I've just finished nursing the baby to back to dreamland.
6. Whispered pillow talk. The kind that says, "How was your day?" & "Goodnight, friend."
7. The croaking of frogs/rushing of Red Lodge Creek outside of my bedroom at night.

... & after a busy, noisy day like today I am pleased to be home soaking up a few of these sounds. The boys are [[in fact]] wrestling in the living room. The baby, who just finished eating, is passed out cold in her swing. The puppy is asleep in the chair with me & all is right in the world.

The cast of characters in my world is pretty great. And the plot just seems to get better each & every day.

This is my life. THIS IS MY LIFE. This. Is. My. Life.

I'm a spray tan girl. I'm a friend. I'm a niece and a cousin. I'm an auntie. I'm a distributor. I'm part of a social circle. I'm a member of a church. I'm several things ...

... but mostly I'm a wife & a mother. How incredible is that? When I look at the faces of these people I share my home with ... it hits me: this is my identity. This is what I was born to do. To love. To give. To share this journey with these little people & my partner.

What's great is that at the end of each day, none of the noise matters. The hustle & bustle of everyday life ... the garbage that filters through our world on a day to day basis [[VIA tv, internet, telephone, & even human contact]] ...  these things that sound like real life in an instant ... they suddenly don't compare to the sounds of real life.


So, no real point to this post I suppose. I'm just feeling incredibly blessed tonight & wanted to put that out into the world.

Goodnight for now.
xo - n

Cookies & Dogs

In the month following the baby's arrival we received several hot meals from neighbors and friends. It was -- hands down -- the best gift I have ever received. All of the meals were delicious & certainly appreciated but there was one that stood out. Well ... one part of one meal that stood out. That handsome devil, Tommy B, from down the road made us some no-bake cookies. They were delightful. I do not know how I have made it 29 years without ever tasting their yummy goodness. While it's true that I will be forever grateful to Tommy for making them for us it is also true that my ass grows a little larger each and every day. Not, not from the 6 little cookies he sent us. But from the batch after batch after batch of them I have made since he intriduced us to them.

(pic stolen from this site -- where you can also find the recipe)

*** I feel it's neccessary to note that although I started out by using this recipe I have often modified it by ading any combination of the following ingredients: coconut, craisins, raisins, M&M's, Rice Krispies, chopped nuts, and/or sunflower seeds (my favorite!). Pretty much any ol' junk in the cupboard can go in!

As I type this the snow is falling from the sky. 2 inches have stuck so far and it shows no sign of letting up. What a weird Memorial Day. (Or as one of my Facebook friends would say: 'Mamoriul Day'. Really?! Sheesh. )

The baby has finally learned to love her swing ... so she is swinging away watching the snow fall and listening to the puppy whine.

Yea ... the puppy. You see, we did eventually find our little Lolly Dog. Judging by the apparent broken leg & bnlood around the mouth we think he was hit by a car.

I empathize with anyone who loses a pet --- for so many people animals become a part of the family. We are no exception. My heart breaks everytime I imagine what that poor dog went through. We found his body in a place we had already looked for it. Which means that he spent a considerable amount of time suffering before he finally drug himself to his final resting place.

As sad of a deal as it was for us --- for Isaac in particular --- I am thankful for one thing. The dog went missing during the Luther Rush Hour. (AKA --- school had just gotten out.) He was last accounted for at about 3:10. By 3:50 when Isaac got off the bus --- he has already been hit. I am thankful that it happened before he got hime & not during the time when Isaac could have watched it happen.

We weren't going to get a new dog right away  --- but a friend of the family gifted us a puppy.  So, I guess we are a dog family once again.

Daisy. Crazy Daisy. Daisy Doo. Dippy Dog. Dippy Do. She has lots of names. Her teeth are sharp and her face is sweet. Isaac is in love. Now if only the little beast would stop chewing on the baby & her things. :)

Oh ... I had so much more to say today --- but little miss is crying and I can't stand the sound of it. I'm off to rock my baby.

I'll leave you with this little ditty in honor of our lost friend, Oliver. Miss you, buddy!

"He danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs
throughout the south
He spoke through tears of 15 years how his dog and him
traveled about
The dog up and died, he up and died
And after 20 years he still grieves.."

- Jerry Jeff Walker

Brown Skin

I am struggling with whether or not to make this post. After 35 minutes of staring at a blank screen (And after nearly a week's worth of internal analysis) I figure if I'm still considering writing it then perhaps it really is neccessary.

I'm not a bigot. I don't see color, sexual orientation, gender, religion, or economic position when I look at someone's face. I feel lucky in that regard because I know there are people who DO see those things. I personally know people who waste days (weeks?! months?!) of their lives being upset by issues that involve these types of things.  I've never struggled to see beyond a person's "packaging" --- being blind to these things has always just come naturally. I've never realized what a blessing that 'blindness' was ... until last Monday night.

Isaac is 8. He is in the 2nd grade in small rural school. He sits everyday in a combined 2nd-3rd-4th grade classroom with a total of 12 kids in it. For most of his life he has been surrounded your typical-for-this-area-white-population. And for his entire life I have always classified him as part of your typical-for-this-area-white-population.

Or, at least, I think I have. I've never sat down and made a decision of whether Isaac was white or not. It never crossed my mind. It never mattered to me.

If you look back through his bio-dad's lineage and my lineage you will find traces of English, Irish, Dutch, Norwegian, French, Native American, Greek, Australian (honestly, I don't even know what that would be called...), and probably a few others. But the bottom line is, when I look in the mirror I see a white girl. And when I look at Ike's dad I have always thought "white guy".

Now, set that thought aside for a minute. I'll come back to it.

Last Monday night Isaac came home and did his homework like normal. Halfway through his social studies worksheet he looked up & said, "Mom. So-and-so doesn't like me." At first I thought, 'Oh great -another kid dispute to settle.' But what he said next blew me away.

"So-and-so said they didn't like me because of the color of my skin."

I investigated the story a little more thinking that he possibly misunderstood the little boy's words. After hearing the "whole story" it seemed that no, in fact, Isaac did NOT misunderstand the boys words.

Josh and I spent last week discussing the situation and talking to the parents of other kids who were witnesses to the comments/mis-behaviors.

It turns out it wasn't just one comment. It has been a series of comments and incidents spanning over several weeks. The comments & the actions of the child in question were really terrible & my first instinct was to post all of the gory details for the world to read. But, I stifled my 'mama-bear instinct' long enough to see things a bit more rationally. And I'm glad I did.

You see, since the whole thing unfolded a week ago we have spoken with the child's parents & it appears they handled it the right way. They were just as devastated that their child would say/do such things as we were that our child had to have them said/done to him. The child who was responsible has since called Isaac and apologized. He also displayed what seemed to be genuine remorse. As long as it never happens again, I am willing to chalk it up to a kid making a judgment that he really didn't understand. The parents are good people & I trust that they have handled it the way it needed to be handled. I have high hopes that we won't see this type of thing between these two kids again.

Had this been an instance of "So-and-so doesn't like me because I wear Sponge Bob underoos." Or "So-and-so doesn't like me because I sleep with a night light." Or some other ridiculous reason that kids come up with to 'not like' one another, we wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. However, when it comes to things like treating someone differently because of the color of their skin, I feel it is important to make a stand.

We've had several family members comment to us, "I don't get it... Isaac has the same color skin as the kid who said it, doesn't he?"

That's exactly my point. It doesn't matter WHAT color a person's skin is. I have a beautiful, popular neice who spends time everyday feeling bad about herself because people tease her for being too white. An albino. Pastey. You name it, they say it. They say it in a friendly, joking way --- but it still gets to her. Should it? Probably not ... but it does.  The words of our peers can have a tremendous impact on us --- positively or negatively.

Earlier I made a point to discuss Isaac's background. I mentioned several nationalities that make up our little boy's heritage. During the summer Isaac does get dark. And this time of year, he is pastey like his mama. However, when the other kid looks at Isaac he sees "brown skin".

So we left it with Isaac like this:

"Son, there are a million things about you that are different from everyone else in the world. You're going to meet people who love those things about you & you're going to meet people who don't like those things about you. You don't get to choose who likes what. The only thing you get to choose is to be happy with who you are --- no matter what anyone else says. It's your job to surround yourself (whenever you can) with people who build you up & when you have to be around people who are cruel -- be kind to them anyway."

(Oh ... and I might have thrown something in there about how ridiculous it would be to 'not like someone with brown skin'. After all, there are 32 women in Red Lodge alone who pay Isaac's mama on a weekly basis to spray their skin brown. Heh.)

As far as the interaction with the other little boy, I think this story is over. There is another element to this story that has not quite unfolded all the way yet. Since that part of the story isn't completely finished at this point, I'm just not comfortable writing about it yet. But, rest assured, I will. Feel free to check back in a few weeks time to see what the heck I'm talking about. :)

For now, Happy Sunday all.

A Birthday Letter To My Sweet Boy

Happy 8th birthday, little man.

How has so much time passed? It seems like yesterday that I first laid eyes on your perfect little face. I can still smell the scent of your soft skin when you nursed for the first time. Even though its been forever, my heart still skips a beat when I remember the way your tiny little hands would rub the skin on my chest as I rocked you to sleep each night.

I remember the moment it hit me. The very instant I realized that I was a mother & I was going to be one forever. You were 4 days old & it was the first time we had been alone since you were born. You were sleeping so peacefully in the bassinette in the NICU. I sighed & realized that you did too at the exact same moment. It took my breath away then & still does today. We were a team. It scared the hell out of me. Even so, I can't help but smile. Scary or not - being a mommy to you is amazing. It gives me a feeling of fulfillment beyond words. Although I'm not sure I am always the greatest mother I take comfort in the fact that you think I am.  

Every milestone of yours has been a personal victory for me. Your first smile, your first word, your first step. And in later years -- your first day of kindergarten, your first bike ride without training wheels, your first tee ball game. Each one of them a miracle to me.

In a card I received for your baby shower there was some advice written by your Grandma Pam. As the years have unfolded,  I've  realize the meaning behind her words:  "Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever have."   I have struggled with the messes you made, the tantrums you threw, and the other millions of naughty/mischievious things you did. I have agonized over many of the decisions I had to make when it came to discipline. I have had many disagreements/arguments with your dad on how to handle situations. But in time we learned to parent as a team. We still have our differences of opinion but we've learned to listen to each other. And now that we've mastered that balancing act, I relish in the other half of your Grandma Pam's advice: "But it is also the most rewarding job you'll ever have."  She was right. You are my greatest accomplishment.

I became a hypochondriac the day you were born. We spent countless hours in Dr. Sauer's office, only for him to send us home because "everything was fine". In your first year I spent more time on the phone with the Ask-A-Nurse than any othe person in my life. I lost count of ER visits somewhere around 6 months. A nasty cough, ear infections, thrush. Is he breathing right? Why's he making that sound? But, more often than not, it was nothing to fret over at all.

Time has passed & I have learned to take things in stride.  I know you're resillient and healthy & in the event that something serious does happen, I know our little family can handle it. I understand that as long as I love you and provide for you --- it is unlikely that I will break you. I've conquered the midnight fear of fevers and stomach bugs. These things aren't scary to me anymore. Rather, I spend my time worrying about new scary things. Things like, "Will today be the day he tries to walk home instead of climbing on the bus?"  "Will he handle a confrontation with a school friend in a way that is appropriate?"  "Is he happy & does he feel like his life is GREAT?" "Will he be bullied on the playground or (worse yet) BE the bully on the playground?"   I know I have a lifetime full of 'new worries' ahead of me. But these worries come paired with joyous celebrations too ... for that reason alone, I welcome the worry!  And, at the end of the day, in the tender moments when I don't know when enough worry is enough ...  your 1000 watt smile has a way of  helping me to remember that in the end, it's all going to be ok.

You've made my life. I have learned so much from you ... How to forgive, how to love unconditionally & not expecting anything in return, how to be innocent, how to enjoy the small things in life, how to be carefree. I hope, in the end, you'll be able to look back and say you learned from me too.

I wish you a life full of wonderful things. I wish your heart to be happy, your dreams to be reached, your goals achieved, and most importantly, all the love you give to be returned to you tenfold. We live our life in phases, son.  When one ends, another begins. Change is constant and life is short. So seize the moment and live life to the fullest --- have no regrets.
You are my angel.

All my love - now & always.
Mom  

8 Years Ago

Through the years ...

And now ...

8 Years Old

To say we love you is an understatement. There simply are no words to describe how we feel accurately.  We will never leave your side. We will always stand up for you. Your wants & desires become our wants & desires. No one will ever take your place in our lives or become more important than you. Sweet boy, we love you. Happy 8th birthday, Isaac Ryan.

Birthday Weekend in Bozeman

Isaac's birthday celebration was a lot of fun. I'm totally exhausted after the weekend, but it was worth it to see my boy smile so big all weekend long!

Friday we had the family over for a little BBQ. (You'll notice I still haven't gotten the texture up on my walls. Ha!)

(Grandpa Mike, Uncle Jimmy, & Papa Jack)

(Rene, Dawn, Scott, Mikchael, Ryan, Olivia, Austin, & Brody)

(Grammie Dawn & cousin Evan)

(Auntie Jessie)

(Papa Jack, Ike, & Grandma Sue)

(Livie & Evan)

(Scott, Austin, Ike, & Pieper) 

Saturday morning Josh and I loaded 4 little boys into the explorer and headed to Bozeman for somw sledding, swimming, and museum-ing.

(Isaac with his Godmother, Jennifer & Jen's boy, Chase)

(Ike & Chase)

(Isaac & Eli hauling Chase up the hill)

(Ken got the kids on their sleds and sent them down the hill!)

(Jen & Chaser)

(Eli)

(Austin)

(Handsome Chase)

(Ike)

(Ken playing bartender --- keeping us all warm with cocoa and coffee!)

(Robin & Chase)

(Jen & Robin)

(Miller's have the greatest set up for sledding! Complete with a bonfire area

& a "Midway" hot cocoa shack!)

(Ken & Chase taking a run!)

(After sledding Josh read to Chase while he tooled around on his scooter)

(cake & ice cream)

... & then onto the hotel ...

(Cully)

( flips & canonballs )

(In an attempt to push eachother in ~ they both tumbled in)

( Gosh, I love this kid )

(exhausted from 5 hours of swimming!)

The next day we hit The Museum of the Rockies:

( little explorers )

(I had to beg for this 'posed' photo)

And that was Isaac's birthday weekend. :)